No one will ever know if this is an attempt at an attack or a hug. Fall 1987
#47 – September 25, 1990
Kastri, Greece
Although you and Philip get along much better now, you’re able to play together, he doesn’t play disruptively anymore, there is still something about Philip’s presence that stirs jealousy in you. And yesterday, you said so in so many words:
“I do bad things because of Philip. If Philip weren’t here, I wouldn’t do so many bad things.”
I couldn’t get you to expand on that any further though. I can’t see why you still feel that way. He gets punished and scolded more often now, we treat him the same way as you.
Can exclusivity be so instinctively important to a child?
I don’t know, you’re basically good to him. I don’t worry about your jealousy being externally abusive, but it does make me sad you feel that way. Maybe it will pass, or at least hibernate.
You also told me at a non-essential moment, with tears, that, “Now, I know I’m just a bad girl, that’s all, a bad girl,” to which I reacted strongly that you are definitely not a bad girl.
“Yes, I am,” you insisted, then daddy went into your room, upon which you repeated your self-accusations, to which he reassured you that you were not bad! After a half hour or so, as I passed your room, you said, “Mommy, ok, I thought about it and you’re right, I’m not bad!!”
Princess, truly, you’re not! I only scold you for three things, whining, whining & crying, hitting Philip. You’re bright, sweet when you want to be. I love you as you are.
